NFL Playoffs 2009

The opening weekend of the NFL playoffs is upon us. A strange opening weekend follows perfectly thematically from an unpredictable NFL season. This weekend all four road teams are favored by the odds makers, including the two teams with rookie coaches and rookie quarterbacks. Two teams who haven't hosted playoff games in eons are having trouble selling out their home stadiums and avoiding regional television blackouts. (The NFL can't sell playoff tickets?!? Yo, the economy really must be in the tank.)

The Arizona Cardinals haven't had a home playoff game since the team was in, wait for it, hang on, nope not St. Louis, since they were in Chicago in 1947. Yet they hadn't sold out this game as of yesterday afternoon, must be better things to do in Phoenix in January. The Cards host the Atlanta Falcons today. The Clarion Content has picked against the Falcons all year, since Week One when we thought they would lose to the Detroit Lions to open the season. The rookie quarterback in a road game and his first playoff game weighs on us heavily here. Yes, the Cards have a crummy defense. Nope, they can't run the ball. Yes, Atlanta has MVP worthy running back Michael Turner. Still we like playoff tested Kurt Warner and the Boldin-Fitzgerald duo at home.

The second game tonight features the only two teams from this weekend whom the Clarion Content believes have a puncher's chance of making it to Super Sunday, the Bolts and the Colts. The Chargers were pathetic most of the season stumbling out of the gate 4 up and 8 down and needing a monumental collapse from the Broncos just to make the playoffs. The Colts on the other hand were dominant, winning their final nine games in a row. Both teams have solid quarterbacks. Philip Rivers, a cerebral coach's son quarterback has gotten better ever year he has been in the league. Peyton Manning has shaken his playoff jinx and finally won the big one, though he still can get happy feet under intense pressure. The Chargers lack big time wide receivers. The Colts wideouts aren't what they once were as Marvin Harrison ages. And speaking of aging, how old and slow has LaDainian Tomlinson looked this year? As Clarion Content fave Bill Simmons is fond of saying, "Nobody ages faster than porn stars and NFL running backs." Not to mention, for his whole career, LD has come up small when the games were biggest. There has always been a nagging injury, today he has "groin issues." The San Diego defense has good interior linemen and excellent cornerbacks, but they sure miss the pressure injured linebacker Shawn Merriman put on opposing QBs. It says here that despite the Colts own awful defense, that will be the key factor, San Diego will miss Merriman just enough for Manning to beat them in a shootout. It doesn't help San Diego's case that they are coached by the petrified Norv Turner.

Game one on Sunday features two rookie coaches. In most years Baltimore's John Harbaugh would be a shoe in for NFL Coach of the Year, but in 2008 he was overshadowed by the worst to first run pulled off by Miami head coach, Tony Sparano. Last year the Dolphins were 1 up and 15 down, this year they are AFC East champions. The Clarion Content has always loved gamer and Marshall alum Chad Pennington. He did nothing to dissuade us this season. The Dolphins also have Clarion Content fave, running back Ricky Williams. Ronnie Brown, their lead running back, has had a resurgent year, too, operating out of the single wing or as they like to call it these days, the wildcat formation. Yet for all the sentiment the Clarion Content has for the Dolphins, there looms the Ravens defense, anchored by future Hall of Famers Ray Lewis and Ed Reed. Pennington has no wideouts who can go deep, and throwing deep isn't his game, thus the Ravens defense only kryptonite is unlikely to be available to Miami. Even with a rookie quarterback (former Blue Hen Joe Flacco) it says here the Ravens eek out a low scoring win.

Finally, Minnesota versus Philadelphia, the other playoff game that hasn't sold out, perhaps Vikings fans know something having watched enough Tavaris Jackson over the last two seasons to think $85 tickets might be a waste of money. Philadelphia quarterback Donovan McNabb is in the same position he has been for ages. His wide receivers could be generously referred to as subpar. He has exactly one playmaker on offense, running back Brian Westbrook. He has an awful game coach in Andy Reid who couldn't be a worse play caller or clock manager. Luckily for the Eagles, Minnesota is coached by Andy Reid protege, Brad Childress. Hopefully for the Eags fans some of Reid's moronic myopia has rubbed off on Childress. Minnesota's Adrian Peterson is a stud running back, but we think Philly will take him out of the game by building a big lead early and forcing the Vikings to play catch up. Tavaris Jackson is not leading anybody to a big comeback over a secondary powered by Brian Dawkins and Assante Samuel.

To sum up our picks: Arizona, Indianapolis, Baltimore and Philly.

A few notes on other franchises from west to east...

We think the San Francisco 49ers made a good hire in Mike Singletary.

To the Seahawks overrated coach Mike Holmgren, we say, "Good riddance, goodbye!" The guy won exactly as many Super Bowls as Barry Switzer and one fewer than Tom Flores.

Denver, don't cry for Mike Shanahan, the guy has won one playoff game in the nine years since Elway left town. Their defense has been awful the whole time that he has been in charge of player personnel.

In Kansas City, we may be the only ones left, but we think Herm Edwards can turn it around. He was handed an aging, broken roster. He played all kinds of young guys, and got consistent effort out of his team, even after the season was clearly lost. Incidentally, looks like they have found a young quarterback in Tyler Thigpen.

Houston, oy vey, if you only hadn't let Sage Rosenfels on the field, what might have been.

Green Bay, looks like they made the right call on Brett Farve, now if they had only thought to do it three years earlier.

Chicago, don't give up on Kyle Orton, he has lots of upside left.

Cleveland, bring back Marty Schottenheimer, brilliant!

Tampa Bay, sounds like everybody hates Coach John Gruden, no surprise there, eh Chucky? Yet, it was mighty classless of defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin to mail-in the last four weeks of the season for a 9 and 3 team so he could go help his son Lane get crushed in the SEC. Nice hire, Tennessee! Says here Phil Fulmer wins more games at his next job than Kiffin wins in his Tennessee career.

New England, ah, it is so satisfying when karma this pure rises from the biosphere.

New York Jets, good call bringing in Brett Farve, enjoy the off-season while he deliberates in the media whether or not to come back and wreck another year for Gang Green.

New Orleans, on the last play of the last game of the regular season, all world quarterback and former Boilermaker Drew Brees demonstrated the honor, integrity and pride with which the aforementioned Farve and his unindicted co-conspirator Michael Strahan are unfamiliar.